As some of you guys may know I work as a server where I’m constantly on my feet and am always running around. I only get one break where I eat rice and soup (I work at a Japanese restaurant) and then I will come so hangry. I will search through the pantry, cupboards and fridges and whatever looks good at the time I will take, whether its junk food or vegetables its all coming with me. Then I sit in my bed all cozied up and I will put on some Netflix and eat all the food I collected. Now, this sounds like the perfect night, right? That is exactly what I thought until recently. The thoughts about binge eating have come up a lot lately, and it leaves me thinking “Am I binge eating?” I will think about this until it leads me to believe that I am eating too much carbs, sugars or just eating too much in general. Once I am in that deep hole of my own thoughts, I have the urge to go back to my old behaviors. I brought up the concerns with my doctor, dietitian and therapist. And they all said the same thing. “Lexi, you’re doing so well! Don’t let these ridiculous ed thoughts draw you off the path of recovery.” And at first I was like, these guys are lying to me. They are trying to make me fat. And then I was scrolling through my phone and saw an old time hop picture from last year. It was a picture of a scale, with my lowest weight. And honestly I started to tear up a little bit. I remembered how horrible last year at this time was for me, I remember the damage I had not only done to my body, but everyone else around me. Seeing that picture was super hard and almost triggering, but it was a great reminder at how far I have come in recovery. My goals from last year to this year are so different and its refreshing knowing that I am actually working towards something amazing rather than a skinny skeleton body. Just remember that whatever you’re struggling with right now is just a small bump in the road, and sometimes we just need a little push or reminder to get us back on track. Let me be that reminder for you today.
I love you guys, have an amazingly positive weekend!